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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25984249">Acceptance Takes Courage</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/keeperofstories/pseuds/keeperofstories'>keeperofstories</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Arthur Pendragon: Vampire Hunterrrr, Nope, Just Vampire [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Kinkalot 2020, Kinkalot Bingo Fill: Seductive, M/M, Masturbation, Vampire!Arthur, but he's working through it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:49:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,500</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25984249</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/keeperofstories/pseuds/keeperofstories</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur adjusts to his new life as a vampire but can he adjust to his new desires for Merlin?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Arthur Pendragon: Vampire Hunterrrr, Nope, Just Vampire [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885861</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Kinkalot 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Acceptance Takes Courage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>           Arthur quickly realized that keeping his new, vampiric nature a secret was going to be much harder than he’d anticipated.
</p><p>           First, there was training and constantly having to check his strength. What used to be his favourite part of the day, a time when he could pal around with his knights and take pride in their progress, was quickly becoming a stressful chore.
</p><p>           With his new Instinct, his men seemed to move so <em>slowly</em>, Arthur perceiving the weaknesses in their form instantly, and yet he had to hold himself back, which set his ire blazing. He constantly fought against the power within his body and denied it the exhilarating rush of fully unleashing. He remembered the satisfying burn of using his body to the limits of its endurance, earning himself a soothing soak in the bathtub afterwards; he couldn’t reach that pinnacle of exertion of this new form, not when secrecy demanded he move at the pace of a human, which was quickly starting to feel excruciating.
</p><p>           Second, there was the issue of finding sustenance. He had to be careful and make sure he wasn’t seen. Luckily, his meals forgot the experience after he was done and he could still digest human food to uphold appearances, though it felt like eating air. None of that would matter, though, it he was caught with his fangs in his meal’s wrist.
</p><p>           All this sneaking around, taking his meals in the shadows, it took its toll. He began to wonder if his father wasn’t actually right about magic and this new being Arthur was; forced to exist in the shadows, Arthur started to wonder if that wasn’t where he actually belonged. Within the oppressive, molasses-like quality of the surrounding magic, it was hard to remember the uplifting clarity that had urged Arthur to see himself as something other than a monster.
</p><p>           It wasn’t truly his father that made him worry, however, it was Merlin. All of his other concerns were nothing compared to facing Merlin every day, striving to act normal when all he wanted to do was take Merlin into his confidence. He envisioned himself countless times sitting Merlin down and revealing the truth of his new nature. In these fantasies, Merlin didn’t curse him, didn’t pull away, his face twisting with hatred, nor did he turn him over to his father “for the good of Camelot.” Instead, he listened, he took Arthur’s hand in reassurance without hesitation. He told Arthur he understood why Arthur had chosen to lie to him.
</p><p>           Though Arthur knew it was a fantasy, that the real Merlin, with his stalwart belief in the evil of magic, would never tolerate this new Arthur, still, he felt the words on the tip of his tongue more often than not when around Merlin. As a consequence, he had started to avoid the man, something he knew was causing them both pain.
</p><p>           Though Arthur wasn’t aware of when it’d happened, Merlin was a bright spot in his life and the world, even to his new senses, felt dimmed without his cheery face and comically snide comments. On top of that, there was the mystery of that…<em>scentsation</em>, for lack of a better term, that seemed an integral part of who Merlin was, though, contradictorily, it also seemed to be held closely contained. Whatever it was, Arthur was starting to wonder if Merlin was even aware of it.
</p><p> </p><p>           As strained as life had become in his waking moments, his dreams were a welcome respite, an education in pleasure with Merlin at the center. As much as Arthur held back from Merlin during the day, in his dreams he was open and loving, sharing more than just his body with the man who saw himself as Arthur’s friend—a sentiment Arthur had never been able to fully articulate back. And now, with these intimate dreams visiting him nearly every night, Arthur wondered if it was just friendship he sought from Merlin.
</p><p>           “That’s absurd,” Arthur muttered to himself.
</p><p>           “Only one way to find out,” his mind replied in Merlin’s purring voice, a struggle occurring within Arthur as he wanted so badly to be good and yet the memory, the fantasy, of Merlin continued to beckon to him.
</p><p>           <em>I’m not doing this</em>, Arthur told himself sternly. There was no point in it, the real Merlin would never see Arthur as anything but a monster if he knew the truth and Arthur couldn’t see pursuing anything more—<em>not that I want to</em>, Arthur reminded himself—whilst keeping such a monumental secret.
</p><p>           “You might be tying yourself into knots over nothing,” his brain reasoned and why did the words have to sound so much like a teasing Merlin? “You might not like it.”
</p><p>           Without bidding himself too, Arthur fell into another of his fantasies, Merlin whispering, “Give us a chance,” his breath brushing against the skin of Arthur’s cheek, sending shivers through his body.
</p><p>           Despite the fact that this was all in his head, Arthur found himself seduced by the simple words. Giving into temptation, Arthur moved to lie on his bed.
</p><p>           Though he was the one on the bed, nerves causing his breath to stutter and his hand to still low on his stomach, just the tip of his pinkie dipping into the waistband of his small clothes, he imagined he was still standing with Merlin on the bed, eyes dark with seductive promise.
</p><p>           Arthur imagined Merlin lying back on his bed in nothing but his small clothes, details supplied by the persistent dreams whose infernal promise had led to Arthur’s current insanity, reaching his hand lower to grip his cock which was quickly hardening as he thought of Merlin.
</p><p>           Dreams were one thing, Arthur had no control over what he saw, but he was awake now, choosing his actions deliberately; he stroked himself as he imagined a smirking Merlin spread out on his bed, small clothes riding low, giving Arthur just a peak at the top of his bare arse, letting Arthur take his fill of his sinuous body, muscles standing out with Merlin’s every slow, languid movement. It was dark, he’d been taught that, and yet it felt so good.
</p><p>           Arthur experimented, imagining Merlin in various poses, some he’d seen in the dreams, like Merlin on his knees before a sitting Arthur, placing both hands on Arthur’s knees to firmly spread his legs and rest his cheek against Arthur’s clothed, but fully hard, cock, rubbing his cheek back and forth slowly as he kept his eyes locked with Arthur’s. Other poses, Arthur thought of himself, keeping a steady rhythm on his cock, spurts of precum preventing him from lying to himself and saying imagining Merlin had nothing to do with his burning arousal.
</p><p>           Arthur’s cock jerked in interest within his hand as he thought of what life with Merlin could look like, Merlin driving Arthur mad with light, daring touches throughout the day. Despite all his claims to the contrary, Merlin was brave and Arthur imagined the sweeping passes of Merlin’s large hands across his back, hip, perhaps even daring to press a chaste kiss to the nape of Arthur’s neck whilst in the same room as Arthur’s father, offering his reassurance and love right under the king’s nose. Arthur imagined these fleeting touches would make him ache, eager for when they could be alone together. 
</p><p>           Arthur’s hand upon his cock quickened as he envisioned Merlin’s welcoming arms, a supportive embrace that would quickly turn heated as Arthur succumbed to the promise of his tormenting touches and descend upon Merlin with desperation, Merlin just as ready as Arthur.
</p><p>           As Arthur squeezed and stroked his own cock, he imagined that it was Merlin’s, that he had another man’s cock in his pumping grip. His hips jerked up at the thought and Arthur couldn’t deny the spike of delight he felt at imagining himself touching Merlin but was this something that he would truly want?
</p><p>           Heaving a great breath, Arthur stilled.
</p><p>           “Give it a chance,” Arthur told himself aloud, bolstering his courage and then his hand was moving, migrating, until he had to lift his hips to give his fingers access to that one part of him he never thought he’d touch. Swallowing audibly, Arthur pressed a finger against his entrance, just enough so he could feel the pressure of the digit but not enough for the finger to actually push into him.
</p><p>           Arthur started moving again, pressing his hips forward, causing his cock to slide through his loose fist and then rocking back, that one finger feeling more dangerous than the whole kingdom finding out he was a vampire. 
</p><p>           This attraction, this need, it was an unspoken thing, something meant to be denied and yet it struck Arthur that it had been easier for him to accept his vampiric nature than that he might want this and yet this pleasure couldn’t be anywhere close as dangerous. Was it a pleasure Merlin could accept as well?
</p><p>           “Yes!” Arthur came with a shout and started to plan.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope y'all enjoyed this!</p><p>Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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